I don’t really hold grudges.

If I feel a teacher screwed me over on a grade, oh well, if you and I got in a fight one time, I probably forgot about it the next day. If I dated your ex or you mine, I’m apathetic.

While these are things that would bother most folks, it doesn’t me. However, what I do hold on to is quite the opposite.

What I get upset about is no one’s fault, just a part of life.

It bugs the shit out of me when you and a friend drift apart for no reason at all. No one screwed over the other, there was no fight, no fallout, just victims of an evidently pointless world. I just can’t understand it.

How could you wake up one morning and all of the sudden this person who meant so much to you the day before seem like a stranger?

I consider myself to be pretty good at reading people I know, it’s something I consider a gift because I’ve paid such close attention to seemingly obsolete details over the years. And even if I don’t know you, I do my best to analyze you when we meet. I’m no psych major, I’m not an expert by any means, it’s just a hobby, but for everything I can get right about someone, this drift apart in friendships is something I cannot fathom for the life of me.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m no saint in this situation. As much as I try to avoid this and keep in contact with people, it’s definitely hard and I allow there to be too much time between contact just as much as anyone else. I’m not criticizing only other people, I’m criticizing everyone, myself included.

It just sucks and drives me insane.

Some folks blame it on distance, saying it’s because once we hit college, we move away, meet new people and forget about the past, but I think that’s crap.

Two of my three best friends my junior and senior years of high school lived two hours away from me, across the state line in Arkansas City, Kansas. Still, time was made to spend with each other and all was well. Even into the beginning of college we made time, but eventually life just happened. No one did anything wrong, we just grew victims of an ongoing trend in relationships. And still to this day it hurts to really accept it. I just don’t understand why it has to be like that.

Since going to college, I became a person who really didn’t like to hang out with people that often, at least outside of one-on-one interaction. Just about any social situation, to me, has taken a back seat to a night of work or watching TV alone at my apartment. By choice, I am a bit of a loner, and a lot of it is because I hate that disconnect that eventually comes in a friendship so riding solo (“… I’m feeling like a star, you can’t stop my shine …”) is just a safe haven. At the same time, I realize the importance of friendship.

It’s crazy how outside of soccer, I didn’t enjoy my one year at Arkansas at all, except virtually all my best college memories have been in Fayetteville. I was ignorant enough to go for the wrong reasons (though it definitely worked out, landing me in Colorado) and just really hated being there, going to Tulsa just about every weekend second semester. Still, if it weren’t for good friends, there’s no way I would have made it through my freshman year with any sanity.

After soccer ended in the fall I was bored, and luckily I had Kelsey to hang out with and go driving to look for deer in the woods at 1 a.m. She transferred in the spring and I was bored again.

Once again, I was fortunate to have friends I wasn’t expecting. Good old Dylan, someone who my relationship didn’t start on the right foot with, left baseball and had a lot of down time so we hung out. I could not have made it through second semester without the master Chooch.

The 2009 spring was hell for me on a personal level, but Kylee, someone I hadn’t talked kept up with for almost two years, was there and has continued to be there for me since and I couldn’t be more thankful.

So really, I guess that’s why it bugs me so much when life happens and you drift apart from a close friend for no reason. There’s a reason you and your friend(s) were so close, why should what literally seems to be no outside factors tear that apart?

If you can keep those relationships, do it.

My friendships, no matter how weird they may be at sometimes, with buddies like Chris, B-Rad, Brown, B-Rob, Rocky, the girls from AC,  Kelsey, my OKC/Edmond/Moore buds, etc… I miss ‘em like crazy. Some are still there in their own unique way, some aren’t.

I understand that life happens, things change, and there’s nothing we can do about it. But sometimes we can.

Why not hold on to people that are important to us?